Wednesday, June 28, 2017
I was the girl who back in the day said... I COULD NEVER DO THAT anytime I met someone doing surprise gender. I thought to myself... I am too Type-A. Too much of a planner. Don't want gender neutral stuff. Etc. Etc. Etc.
So with Stella and Chloé both, we found out the gender and I LOVED knowing!
For Stella I wanted to know so that I could have a VERY PINK or VERY BLUE baby shower. I did not want yellow ducks and grey elephants. I wanted to OWN the gender.
For Chloé since I had to have a scheduled C-Section the whole thing felt very clinical and anti-climatic so although we knew her gender, we chose to share her NAME after she was born which was really fun! HOWEVER, the unexpected feelings I had with Chloé the night before were thoughts of fear, anxiety, and dread... Everyone was so excited to meet this baby but they weren't the ones having to undergo a major surgery and recovery. Don't get my wrong, I was excited but equally dreading the whole thing.
After talking to my stepsister, she told me the only emotion she felt the night before her third C-Section was one of EXCITEMENT in finding out the GENDER. All other emotions paled in comparison to the anticipation of THAT. (They found out with their first 2 and did surprise for their 3rd. She is now pregnant with their 4th and said they are definitely NOT finding out again because it was one of the coolest moments of her life!)
So this time, in and effort to curb some of that night-before anxiety, we are going to see if this surprise gender deal helps! I can tell you with 9 weeks left... I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!
I did NOT do this to be cool or trendy...but rather to help cope with the dread surrounding the procedure. It was SO HARD at first. ESPECIALLY when girls who are due around the same time as me had their gender reveals around 12 weeks. When my doctor called me to share my genetic test results and said... Are you sure you don't want to know the gender? I have it right here..... I toyed with the idea for a minute but knew Logan would be so sad if I found out without him. I literally had to sit on my hands for the next 15 minutes to keep myself from calling back and saying NEVERMIND PLEASE TELL ME!!!!
The next hurdle was the big sonogram at 20 weeks which confirms the sex of the baby. We did toy with finding out the gender in the waiting room that day... but then chickened out since we had made it SO FAR already! They turned the screen off before we could see anything.
Since then, it hasn't really crossed my mind! We are now 30 weeks and my biggest fear at this point is my doctor or someone else slipping up and accidentally referring to IT as a HE OR SHE... I would just be so sad if after all this effort, THAT happened!
We are going in every 2 weeks now and I remind them EVERY SINGLE TIME that I do NOT want to know. I had a few friends and family members say they didn't think I would last until September and my stubbornness to prove them wrong has also fueled my determination to stay strong and WAIT! ALSO, Logan cannot wait for his BIG MOMENT of saying "IT'S A _____" to a waiting room of people and I can't wait to give him that. We are also going to ask the doctor if LOGAN can tell me the gender of the baby in the operating room since he will be right there.
We are pretty certain we have our BOY AND GIRL names picked out but are open to changing them if something we like better comes around in the next 9 weeks! At the beginning of this pregnancy I was VERY vocal about wanting a little boy and to be honest, I still would love a boy just to experience parenthood from both gender perspectives...but guys... We are GOOD at girls. Stella and Chloé are playing together now and it is the cutest thing to watch. I really can picture myself being a girl mom and just owning it ... PLUS I REALLLLYYYYY love our girl name and would love the chance to use it!
So there you have it... the reasoning behind our surprise gender decision! Everyone that I have talked to that has done it before has told me I absolutely WILL NOT regret it!
So stay tuned... we will know September 5th!
Thursday, April 20, 2017
I don't know why God has blessed our family with another perfectly healthy baby especially when I have so many dear friends who are facing different circumstances right now. Roads I've never had to nor would WANT to travel. I'm so thankful and at the same time feel like life is messy and hard and flat out not fair sometimes. Why didn't these things happen to me? I don't deserve any of these gifts.But I will Praise You God for another precious life. And another gorgeous healthy growing baby. To my dear friends (you know who you are) ... I'm not in your shoes but I am on my knees and will battle this out alongside you. So hard to be heavy and joyful at the same time. Love to you!
Thursday, April 6, 2017
A few thoughts and lessons I have learned over the past year...
+ Do not take your health for granted. It can change overnight.
+ Be thankful for REST. Make REST a priority.
+ Exercise doesn't have to be punishment. Find something that you genuinely enjoy and stick with it.
+ You don't have to have 100 best friends. You don't even have to have 10. The older I get, the more I realize that my circle may be smaller, but it's deeper. And I can be picky about who I spend my (very limited) free time with.
+ Show up for people. If they are local... do something more than hide behind a text. Pick up the phone and call. Drop by for a visit.
+ FIGHT for CONTENTMENT. In your marriage. Your house. Your season. Your belongings. Stop the comparison game since all it does is rob you of joy.
+ Find a creative outlet and make time to do it. For me, it's reading and writing. I put it on the back-burner for so long but it is something that makes me come alive. Find your thing and MAKE TIME for it no matter how busy you are. You will be happy you did.
+ Self help books are great...but NOTHING compares to THE WORD. THE WORD is the source of all life and truth and wisdom. Open it daily.
+ Don't hold grudges. They eat you up way more than the other person. Forgiveness is hard but necessary if you want to possess JOY.
+ What you watch/ read/ listen to can really affect you. Be selective. You don't have to get rid of everything but have a sensitivity (AND BE WILLING) to get rid of stuff that is taking up unnecessary space in your head and your heart.
+ Marriage is worth fighting for. Having a built in cheerleader and best friend instead of an enemy or roommate/ co-parent is SO much more fun! Communicate. Choose love.
+ Friendships have seasons. Some people you thought would be lifelong friends sort of fade away and then you meet someone new and to your surprise, feel instantly connected... like you've known them your entire life. Be OPEN to new friendships and be thankful for the lessons that old ones have taught you.
+ Don't try to control things... especially holidays and toddlers ha! I used to have unrealistic expectations about how certain days would look and pan out and that is officially out the window. I have forced my Type A self to be a bit more of a free spirit... Wake up. Have a good attitude. Make PLANS .... BUT make the best of them if they go haywire! Dance in the rain, right? Lemons into lemonade? Trite but true.
+ Be open to criticism. You are not perfect. Don't be shocked when people point that out. Be gracious. Be a safe place. LISTEN before getting defensive.
+ Shed the insecurity and just be confident in who you are instead of who everyone expects you to be. Don't be a cookie cutter. Be who God uniquely designed you to be.
Welcome, 33. I am thrilled to see what lessons you have in store!
Friday, March 10, 2017
Today you turn TWO. I can barely remember life before you Chloé Grace. The transition with you was seamless. You are independent. You love to snuggle (but rarely give hugs or kisses). You are chill... like ALL the time. You go with the flow. You are a great eater and the only "sweet" things you like are ice cream and donuts!?!?! You are SENSITIVE. More and more of your emotions are coming out lately. (Hello, Two!) When you get hurt or in trouble all you need is someone to pick you up and hug you tight to settle down. You are territorial with your stuff - As in you will fiercely FIGHT to keep it ha! (Hitting and pulling hair if necessary... Let's work on that before school next year, yes?) You prefer to be barefoot and outside. You LOVE baths. You have to bring your HUGE bunny lovey (which you endearingly call "Puppy") everywhere with you. You love to "read" books and dress up in big sister's costumes and Mommy's high heels. You are a DANCER and move your right elbow up and down like a chicken every time you hear a good beat - it is HILARIOUS! Swinging and bubbles are your ideal afternoon and you LOVE sneaking sips of Mommy's Coke. You still prefer not to pose or smile for pictures but I can sometimes sneak that cute giggle if you aren't paying attention! You have never really cried... You SHRIEK! This has been since birth... Thankfully it doesn't happen very often. You LOVE pushing your "babies" around in the stroller and pushing them in your swing so I know you are going to be a great Big Sister this year! We love you so much and are SO PROUD that you are ours.
CHLOE GRACE: Favorites at 2!
Food: Spaghetti and french fries
Movie: Frozen... still ha!
TV Show: Bubble Guppies
Activity: Swinging and Dancing
Toy: BIG Bunny Lovey named "Puppy"
Song: Jingle Bells and Happy Birthday (ha!)
Words: Peeze (Please) / Tink Tu (Thank you) / Someeee? (= More) / NO! / Kenai (EVERY dog haha!) / How ARE you? / You can count to 10 :)
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Written on January 26th. The morning we were headed in to the doc to confirm my pregnancy.
To my very first Baby(ies)
To my very first Baby(ies)
The sting of your loss is palpable. I can go back 5 years in an instant to that cold hospital and apathetic doctor. Tears well in my eyes at the thought of it. The waiting. The hoping. The praying. The painting. The writing.
You are not forgotten. You are in a much happier place but I still ache because I am your Mommy.
Hope because you taught us to pray big BOLD prayers despite medical opinions.
Samuel because you were the child we prayed for so very hard.
Well I am currently pregnant with your littlest brother or sister and the enemy is trying to steal the joy out of this experience just like he has done every time since I lost you. But I am going to battle this out.
We are going to be victorious. We are going to celebrate this life and this blessing and this hope.
To my new baby. I love you. I have already been daydreaming about you and how you are the missing puzzle piece to our family. We think you may be our grand finale baby and because of that I want to cherish every single moment of this last pregnancy. I do not want to be swallowed up by fear or anxiety.
Baby - We look forward to seeing you today. Hearing that strong heartbeat and getting sweet affirmation that you are alive and well and growing big and strong in my womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are being knit together by the most loving and creative Father and I know He has big plans for you and our family.
So to my Angel Babies- I will never forget you. I will celebrate you instead of fearing.
To my new baby - You are a treasure. A blessing after a very long and hard season of bad health. You are the crescendo to the beautiful symphony of our family. My prayer is that we can enjoy every single note.