Monday, November 5, 2012


I have had a love/hate relationship with France here lately.  I miss my comfort zone, my house in Lakewood, my nights with friends, not missing out on a single birthday party or baby shower, our amazing church, and the ease and flow of simple things like going shopping or driving myself to the grocery store.

I was asked this week if I could see myself making a LIFE in France.  It was such a difficult question to answer.

I LOVE our jobs and the flexibility that comes along with it.  Especially with Stella, I know I am going to be so grateful for our set-up and close proximity. Logan and I will both have a schedule where we will not need to hire an extra caregiver and will be able to be very hands on with our little one. 

I also love ASPECTS of our small town... the slower pace of life, the lack of stress, the relaxation that comes with meals instead of always rushing to get to the next thing, and the feeling of being sheltered and safe. (We don't lock our front doors and we keep the keys in our car... its THAT kind of town.)


The language barrier is a HUGE deterrent for me because it has caused me to be more codependent on Logan than I would like to be.  I MISS my independence. I miss having easy conversations.  I am hoping the French classes will do their job and as a result, I can function more and more independently in society.

Friends. I love my husband, but he is not enough.  I need girlfriends.  I need community. I need Cafe Brazil breakfasts on Friday mornings, and deep meaningful, share-your-life-together conversations.   Could I find that in a bigger city like Paris? Perhaps... I am sure I would find more girls around my age and in my same phase of life and surely I could even find some Americans or at least English-speaking girls.  In our tiny town, this is honestly just not in the cards.

With that being said...  CAN I see myself building a LIFE here?

Without the above things changing, the answer right now is No.  Can I live here temporarily, grow and stretch as a person, and become better and stronger from the whole experience? Absolutely. I think that is already happening.  I am not the same girl who lived in Dallas a year ago.  A part of her is still there and the other part of her is a bit repressed and isolated, looking for an outlet or way to connect.  However, I've learned to value different things and truly enjoy slowing down and enjoying life rather than racing through it and ultimately missing it.

I don't know where I will end up, but what I do know is that I want to be somewhere where Logan and I can have a good balance of "us" time and plans.  A life that is slower-paced and based more on relationships than things.  Where we have a community to do life with.  A church to raise our kids in.  And jobs that we both love that don't swallow us up and spit us out.  Jobs where we are happy, challenged, and fulfilled.  A balance in between what we had in Dallas and what we have here in France.  A happy medium in between the two extremes. 

I'll let you know once we figure out what and where that is... 

images via pinterest


  1. I hear you on the needing girlfriends... sometime early in our marriage is when I realized that Matt is like, NOT a girl, and that he can't relate to me like my girlfriends... AT ALL. Praying that God will use this season for whatever He's wanting to produce in you, and that you will still feel loved and connected even though your way away!

    1. Thanks Leah! I appreciate it :) Glad to know I'm not the only one or a "bad wife" for admitting that!

  2. i love that you are brave. keep looking and you two (3) will figure it out.

  3. I hear you! You're right about the first few years after emigrating are the hardest but once your French improves and you're able to communicate better, you'll feel a lot more at home. It worked for me. Also, I met most of my girlfriends through French class. Personally though, even after 13 years of living in Monaco I'd call myself, "involved but not committed" and I'm quite OK with that. I don't think anyone ever feels completely at home in a foreign country no matter how much he loves it. There is a benefit to sticking with it though: it makes us riveting and sought after cocktail party guests. (PS, my hubby just read what I was writing and advises to eat more chocolate.)

    1. Unfortunately my French class is full of 8 close-knit clicky Turkish girls who have no desire to integrate or get outside of their Turkish bubble of a community :( SO I will have to find another way to make friends.... And YES, since wine is not an option right now, I will stock up on the CHOCOLATE :) haha! Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. Hang in there. You know I feel the same way... and knowing we have four more years here.. well, i keep telling myself that there is no choice but to make a life here. xx you'll figure it out - and you're right to think that you are growing as a person by your time here. we all are!

  5. I really struggled with my lack of independence when I first moved here, I think it's easier if you're in a city to go out on your own and explore, but when you're in small towns like us, what is there for us to go out and do? Nothing.
    Hang in there, enjoy your quiet pace of life, and everything with fall into place as it should and you'll know where you're supposed to be xo

  6. It's a struggle, that's for sure. I don't think I could live here permanently, although I would like to spend a few more years here and am sad we are going home after only 3 yrs. I love that you are really trying to make a go of it - some people become very insular and don't move out of the expat community at all, which I think is sad. That's how you find out all the good stuff/little secrets. The language barrier is definitely the hardest thing, it's so isolating and I get really tired of feeling so dumb all the time! I envy you having a husband who can speak the language!

  7. Abby, this post is beautiful & honest. I'm so proud of you & you are going to have SO many stories to tell Miss Stella!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...