As we approach the end of this pregnancy, I have so many emotions. It is crazy for me to think that there are mere INCHES keeping me from that squirming little girl in my tummy. I absolutely love to watch her move around, even when some body part is stabbing me in my upper right rib! I have to be honest though, I am also starting to get weirdly sad about the loss of our newlywed days... the days where it was just me and Logan taking on the world! Right now it's so easy to just pick up, be spontaneous, and go! With a baby, our lifestyle will have to adjust. I know it will be worth it and I have heard that after you have a child it enriches your life and your marriage rather than taking anything away...but selfishly I like being the only girl in Logan's life. Other than that, we are just really, really giddy! Excited about the responsibility, the future, the unconditional love that we already have for this little life that God has blessed us with. I am fascinated by the way God designed the human body to literally knit together a human being that will grow up to be a walking talking toddler, teenager, and parent themselves someday. I am in awe of His creation.
I have also been hit recently with so many emotions concerning babies and pregnancies... friends walking through adoption papers, miscarriages, infertility, and single-Mom-should-I-keep-this-baby type situations. All of these conversations have put me on such a roller coaster of emotions ... pleading, crying, on my knees praying, smiling, celebrating, and praising God for LIFE. I was having a pity party the other night because this week specifically I have finally hit the "miserably uncomfortable" stage - where sitting, lying down, walking, anything just hurts.... Aches, pains, hormones, and lots of Braxton Hicks contractions. But I was humbled as I remembered these friends of mine because I am lucky. I am lucky for so many reasons. I am lucky that we were able to get pregnant at all, much less so quickly after the miscarriage. I am lucky that this pregnancy has been basically textbook without any huge problems. I am lucky I have a husband who loves me and wants this baby and will help me raise her. And I am lucky that God has chosen me to be the Mom of this little girl we call Stella. Pregnancy. Life. Babies. No matter how they come about, are GIFTS. They are miracles. Whether or not they are planned, unplanned, wanted, unwanted, adopted, or scientifically implanted... they are ALL miracles. They should ALL be celebrated and they should never ever be taken for granted, especially in light of what happened in Connecticut this past Friday.
So today I am humbly reminded that this uncomfortable phase will pass and we are on the home stretch. I don't know what phase of life all of you guys are in, but most likely there are a few of you that would trade places with me in a heartbeat. So with that knowledge, I try to stand back, gain perspective, and persevere through the last weeks of this pregnancy knowing that I am one of the lucky ones. We aren't guaranteed anything in this life, nor do we deserve the many blessings we've been given but we will try our best to be good stewards of the ones we have received.
You are nearly there! This has been a hard weekend to be a parent. So much sadness when it should be a happy time,but of course nothing compared to the families suffering in Newtown. I read when I was pregnant with India that you should be prepared to grieve the loss of the baby 'inside' once it was born. It's worth remembering as well as the loss of the couple you once were! But the rewards more than make up for that. Watching my girls this weekend with renewed appreciation for the gift they are I regret nothing! Enjoy your last precious moments together 'on your own' and sleep as much as you can ;)ReplyDelete
I am moved by your blog and can tell you, as your mother and best friend, there is NOTHING as special as a daughter who you will mother the rest of her life. Stella is so lucky, as are you and Logan!! XO, GigiReplyDelete
lookin good! keep her cookin just a little bit longer!ReplyDelete
Abby I had the exact same feelings about losing the newlywed days and "sharing" Matt. I actually cried a few times over it! I think it's normal and to be honest, as much as I LOVE parenthood right now, I still miss one on one time with my hubby b/c it doesn't happen very often right now. :) BUT, I also absolutely LOVE watching him with our baby and I truly feel our relationship (yes a whole 4 weeks in) has grown and is truly enriched b/c of our precious gift. I'm so excited for you!! Your time is almost here. Enjoy these last few weeks of napping and sleeping through the night and fit in lots of snuggling time with your hubby. ;)ReplyDelete
Great post. You are so close to meeting Stella! Miss you, love you and so freaking excited for you!!!ReplyDelete