Well this week (although LONG) has been BEAUTIFUL at The Colorado. We had our second snow of the season and somehow it has made the unending wait for our daughter's arrival a bit more bearable. I still have my moments of "Am I going to be pregnant FOREVER" but instead of moping about it every day, I am trying to just soak it in and remember how lucky and grateful I am to have even reached this point at all. I am also milking all the extra attention, snuggles, and movie nights with my husband as our days of a family of 2 are coming to a close.
Around 33-35 weeks I was feeling really emotional - Almost like PRE-baby blues if that's even possible? I was crying all the time, really homesick, sad about not being the only woman in Logan's life and how it would never be the same, and terrified about the whole "birthing" process. We talked to our midwife and she said it was completely understandable considering I am giving birth in a foreign country and she said she would be surprised if I hadn't had a meltdown about the reality of our situation by this point. I also think part of this was due to being so far away from friends and family during the holiday season. Oh yeah and those things called.... hormones?
The C-Section date of January 9th has also really played with our emotions because we had everything packed and ready to go last week. We were mentally and emotionally prepared to meet our daughter last Wednesday... So it almost feels like she is 8 days PAST her due date, even though her actual due date has always been January 28th. I think the wait would be a tiny bit more bearable if we'd never been given the earlier due date and just always had our minds wrapped around the end of January. But we have steadily reprogrammed our brains for the unknown.
I can honestly say I think God chose 9 (10) months to grow a baby because take it from me... by the END of this, you are ready to get that baby out NO MATTER WHAT THE COST!!! I am honestly no longer thinking about the labor - my focus is on the prize at the end - our little girl. Every night I go to sleep I think... "This time, tomorrow night... I could be holding her." The COOL thing about this, is one of these nights I will actually be RIGHT! Even going to bed feels fun because you never know if you will wake up in the middle of the night with the "it's time" contractions! We are just on pins and needles over here - it is frustrating and exhilarating at the same time! (Especially for this planner Mama!)
Some PROS we've come up with on cooking a bit longer:
- Stella's future BFF Baby Girl Cunningham is due next week - so perhaps they are already scheming to arrive close together... Alexis and I are only 3 days apart - Like mother, like daughter? (How CRAZY would it be if they chose the same day?!?!)
- The further we get away from Christmas, the more our girl will get her day to shine rather than getting lost in the holiday party shuffle... My Frenchman grew up with the curse of a December 19th birthday and the 2-for-1 gifts and holiday/ birthday party combos so he's especially happy with her later choice!
- ALSO, I have heard bigger babies seem to sleep through the night sooner than early arrivals. I have no idea if this is accurate, but I can hope?
In all seriousness though, thank you ALL for your prayers, calls, emails, and comments the past few weeks. It really helps me keep going! Everyone talks about how hard the first trimester is, but no one really prepares you for how brutal the last few weeks of pregnancy are... I think partly because of this wonderful thing I have heard called "baby amnesia" that happens after you hold your little one for the first time. (I am banking on this!) The other night we watched the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" movie and Logan was on the floor laughing hysterically at "The Pregnancy Glow" speech by Elizabeth Banks - how pregnancy "sucks" and "growing a human being is hard work"... BUT once she had her little one in her arms she said "I finally found my glow. HE is my glow."
Stella Rose... YOU are my glow and we will wait patiently until you are good and ready to come out and meet us!