Friday, June 24, 2016
It is Well With My Soul: Part 3
We left off at the neurologist appointment, Wednesday June 15. The day of that appointment I felt horrible. Keep in mind, I hadn't really eaten in over 1 week. All I could really do was drink liquids due to my swallowing issues... and was getting really burnt out of smoothies. If I stood up too fast, I would start seeing black spots and felt like I was about to faint. I tried Ensure and hated it. Just hated it. And since it was already hard to swallow, the last thing I wanted to do was force myself to drink something I didn't even like. After my neurologist uttered the words "feeding tube" though, I snapped into action. All in all, I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. INSANE and very unhealthy weight loss. That night on our way to church I force-fed myself a Frosty from Wendy's and baked potato. I had to choke it down but it gave me fuel and once I started to eat, I started to feel better, obviously!
Before I get to church I wanted to mention that I also went to see Dr. Dahl at the recommendation of an ENT friend. He is a prosthodontist. Didn't even know what that was until now. He makes prosthetics for people who have conditions similar to mine. When he saw me that day, he shook his head and said he had also never seen anything like this unless it was after severe trauma like a car accident. He took impressions of my teeth to build me a retainer that would help liquid from coming out my nose and hopefully help my speech/ eating improve. I think I was a bit of a science experiment. He was very nice and all the doctors agreed that they thought this was viral and that the virus had knocked out my nerve. They were all quick to remind me that nerves take their SWEET TIME in healing but my age was working FOR ME since a 32 year old body will heal much more rapidly than someone in their 70s.
So back to church... I went to go hear Todd White speak. Have you heard of him? If you want to hear a powerful testimony, you can listen to his HERE. He OOZES Jesus and speaks such truth in LOVE. He is now a member of my church at Gateway and thousands turned up to hear him talk on Wednesday night. I knew he had healed many all over the world and that night he spoke of various testimonies and the power of the Holy Spirit in all of us. After he was done, I got to meet him one-on-one backstage. He had such kind eyes. He gave Logan and I both hugs and asked what was going on. He prayed over me twice and each time asked me to speak. It was a small room full of people staring at me... I so hoped that I would just BLAST OUT AND START SPEAKING NORMALLY AGAIN!! I was SO hopeful. SO SO hopeful.
It didn't happen immediately but I still left encouraged and hopeful that God was going to heal me. Some of the things he spoke over me and Logan were so powerful. He told Logan he was a strong man of God and he could tell he loved Jesus with his whole heart. He then looked at me and told me that Logan couldn't fix this. That I needed to take him off his pedestal and focus on The Healer. He said that was the only way this thing would work. My vertical relationship with God. Logan's vertical relationship with God. The overflow of THAT into our marriage. So true. So powerful. So many times I expect / hope Logan can fix everything for me. He wasn't created to do that for me.
He also told me to pray from a position of VICTORY instead of as a VICTIM. This was so powerful for me because I was struggling a LOT with pity parties. "Lord I just got done with this anxiety/ insomnia stuff. Haven't I been through enough? Isn't it someone else's turn?" If we pray from this place, our prayers are going to be ineffective. So I have been learning how to pray the truths of the Bible over my life. That the SAME SPIRIT that raised Jesus from the dead is living inside of me. AND He WANTS to heal. He CAN heal. He died for our sins AND our diseases. By His stripes we are HEALED. He DIED for this. There is nothing I have to DO. I just need to RECEIVE and BELIEVE.
I wish I could tell you that I was instantly healed but I know that night I had other breakthroughs and for that I am thankful.