The last time I remember feeling 100% was Memorial Day Weekend. I got sick shortly thereafter with a virus that would take my ability to speak and swallow.
Here we are 2 months later and I am different.
How could you not be after going through something like this?
What just happened? Will I ever recover? What does this mean? Will I be around to watch my kids grow up? Will I be in chemotherapy during Katy's wedding? Will I be in speech therapy for months? What will my new "normal" look like? Will I have to get a feeding tube?
All the questions. And now we are here.
Thankful is an understatement. What on EARTH?!?!? What an insanely uncertain and scary summer.
I would say I am at 85% (Logan says 93%) of my full speaking/ swallowing function by doing nothing by resting and letting my nerve regenerate and recover. (AKA God healing me)
I can now communicate at the drive through and for the most part spell my name out over the phone and people actually understand me. (I have been "Chloé" all summer at restaurants because it didn't contain any letters I couldn't pronounce haha!)
I can eat and swallow pretty normally. Liquids very rarely come out my nose. The fact that I can swallow ANYTHING without immediately having to drink water is miraculous improvement.
How quickly do we take our health for granted. Eating. Sleeping. Swallowing. Communicating. Singing.
And how quickly do we turn back into our old busy patterns once we finally receive the diagnosis. The answer. The game plan.
This summer was awful but such a sweet time with the Lord. He was the ONLY one who knew what was going on. I felt immense comfort in that. I relied on Him every single day. Praying. Worshiping. Talking to Him. All day. Every day. (I am not exaggerating here.... I was clinging onto Him for dear life.)
I miss it already... I am trying to discipline myself to get back to that place, but honestly I think scripture rings true when it says... "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted." He is dear and NEAR. Not to say you can't be close with Him when you aren't in a valley...but I think most who have been in a dark place can relate... It is just not the same after you come out.
The week of Katy's wedding, I woke up on Wednesday and HEARD improvement. Most people have told me they hear improvement but its been so minimal each day that I was never able to notice it. This was the first time that I felt overnight I had jumped from like 50% to 75% of my voice function. I called Logan right away and sure enough was able to get through the toast at my sisters rehearsal dinner which was my main goal! PRAISE HIM!!!! This was not a guarantee and He was so sweet to answer my specific prayer for that moment. One that I could never get back!
I go back to the neurologist in September to evaluate my progress.
I also went to my psychiatrist this month to check in on my anxiety. She was blown away that I didn't have any sort of relapse with my panic attacks and insomnia when facing such a potentially traumatic health issue. Because of this, she told me I was ready to wean off the Zoloft. So we start that process this month.
I am looking forward to the future. The closing of a very difficult year... but one that people can attest... changed me. I am not the same girl I was a year ago. Not even close.
I feel more. I empathize more. I care more. I have more to give. I value things more.... the RIGHT things. I am fully surrendered to Him and His calling on my life.
Pruning seasons are never fun. But they are SO necessary in growing, maturing, and preparing us for our destiny and for that I am thankful...AND glad this season is behind us!
Logan and I are headed to Cabo next month for a much needed (and well deserved) vacation... just the 2 of us! To celebrate and RELAX and to welcome a new year and a new season for our family. One that is full of Rest. Health. Peace. Purpose. In Jesus Name.